Album Review // 2021-06-25

Otep

House of Secrets

Released: 2004-07-26

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I  saw a video from this band in the early 2000s and I was very drawn to it. It was Warhead. But honestly, when I tried to listen to more from them, I found it overwhelming. I did a reaction to a song by them, which made it to my list, Blood Pigs. 

I chose this album because I tried to listen to Sevas Tra and the pain was so real that I couldn't bear it. I did listen to it in it's entirety, but didn't want to go deep into it. Pathetic that I couldn't bear it, when in reality this was someone else's truth. As I write this, it makes me feel very privileged, because I haven't had to deal with sexual abuse. It is hard to fathom what many people have gone/are going through! It shouldn't be a privilege though, we should be free from sexual abuse!

Apparently, Otep is a name given to the vocalist by her mother, and she associates it with an African word used as a greeting. She says it can mean "peace with you." I couldn't find any official info about the meaning, other than this. I would have had no idea.

I remember hearing a clip of Otep speaking about someone talking down to her in the crowd, one time. She didn't stand back and take it; she punched the person. This is what this album reminds me of. Someone that is not going to take any BS anymore.

I have to say, though, having listened to this several times now, this feels like more of an experience than just music.

Mood

You can really feel the tormented and wounded person trying to put pieces together in a way to understand it. It feels like there needs to be lots of effort, to powerfully take control of what has been out of control, bleeding, and injured. It feels like there is no sitting back and being idle here. The mood is so thick in this one, you can feel it without even knowing the words. Sometimes it is uncomfortable, and I feel like the creator wouldn't mind that it evokes this feeling. It has an overhanging sense of rawness. 

I found my heart was breaking with this album. It might sound dramatic to some, but this is a very emotional piece of work!  

Artwork

This seems like it is likely Otep, herself, but who knows - maybe it isn't. Regardless, the floating mask seems to be the more fabricated, expected face. It matches the era of the pictures on the wall in the background. The jewellery and decor on this woman is aggressive; the pointed finger, the heavy-looking and elaborate necklace, the longer necklace with what appears to be a snake head. The under-layer of her head appears to be skull or tissue. The lines through the eyes show that the sockets are empty. You can also see one side of the ribcage. I wonder if it all symbolizes that what is under is different than this face that goes on top.

Vocals

She seems to be the queen of desperate-sounding vocals. She goes rappy, whispery, talking, whining, screaming and growling. They all seem to have that feeling of rawness and aggression. There is a realness to it. The rappy voice, overall, is not for me, though she does it well. The whiny voice gives a sense of eeriness, almost like something is trying to take her over and she is struggling to get through the moment. Sometimes, paired with the words, it was almost unbearable for me. But that growl is sweet!

Music

If you actually take a listen to the music and forget about the vocals, many songs are pretty heavy - lots of heavy riffs. The voice is not the only thing carrying the heaviness. The quieter parts and interludes have lots of disturbing sounds going on, which make it feel almost like her memories have come so far into the present that they are threatening to take over. There are also some really bassy parts.

Requiem

This word Requiem isn't a word I throw around. I actually had to look up it's meaning. It seems to be referring to a need to put something to rest. I guess, usually, it is the souls of the dead. So, it is a clever way of saying that this negative atmosphere, in which a mother seems to be symbolizing violence and fear, needs to end. The child in this situations may be used to, has been around this negative atmosphere. But the child doesn't necessarily know that this situation isn't right. So, there is a struggle to get clarity.

That's impossible, that's impossible, stop listening
As long as you are under my roof you will respect me
The only truth is suffering, the only truth is suffering
And it's ok to hate yourself
Just lay still don't cry for help
No. No. No.
Run, anywhere you can
It's coming, the suffering is here
I'm sick but I need my disease
Im sick

Warhead

I think this song speaks to fear again, but in a different light. There is a mistrust of the governing group that is supposed to keep us safe. A fear of instability itself.

Do I need a gas mask?
Should I get inoculated?
Will this war last?
Will we be incincerated?
False gods
Death squads
Blind

Buried Alive

I feel like these lyrics are accepting that people hate. If you have been in this world for any length of time, you know hate is strong. It is everywhere. I, too, have come to expect some people to hate me. What frustrates me, is what hate has done to so many people! Right now, in Canada, there has been a physical discovery of hundreds of bodies of native children at old residential school buildings. Some ignorant people are acting like this is a big revelation. We have known for a long time of the genocide that took place. We know about the hate of someone else's culture, and the desire to get rid of it. How people get to that level is beyond me. How nothing inside them stops them from acting out this hate is not something I can fathom! I think we need to examine our own hearts and see where hate lies.

I speak in verses, prophecies and curses
This storm of thorns is growing
Hate me
There's no end in sight
Hate me
Chaos claws my jaw
Hate me
And incites a mental riot
Hate me
I'm in the mouth of madness
With a tongue of poetry
I ate the spine of Atlas
Now the world is crushing me

I like how they brought in the use of Atlas, who had to carry the heavens on his shoulders as punishment. 

Sepsis

I think this song is talking about how hard it is to live with the way you were treated, the injury, the painful memories. And how easily it can all be turned around to a desire to hurt other people. The title, Sepsis, indicates how toxic it actually is to yourself to be in this state.

Obsessed about
Dominion and death
Obsessed about
Infecting the nest
Obsessed about
Seeking revenge
For being trapped
In this body of wounds and regret

Obsessed, oppressed
Sepsis
Obsessed, oppressed
Sepsis
Obsessed, oppressed
Sepsis
Smells like victory

House of Secrets

This is horrendous! This poor broken child, a victim of sexual abuse.

Castration or chemical castration for all that do these things, if I was the rule-maker! No joke!

And there's a lady in a stable
Her daddy reads her fables
About the moon and his bride
He's in her room every night
And feeds upon a table
Of silken robes, an altar of stone
But the child is unable
To run run run
And flee his tower of babel
So blood blood blood
Slithers down her ankles

Hooks & Splinters

I didn't know this phrase "Sic semper tyrannus," but it means "Thus always I bring death to tyrants." I think the use of this is a clever way of saying you want to kill those that have hurt you, or acted out in evil.

The song goes on to mention some horrible things people have done, and appears to be remorseful that their own thoughts have become violent.

This makes me think of a show I watched. It was a documentary with a woman that was in a concentration camp during the holocaust. She lived through it, but the horror she went through was devastating. At the end of the war, when they were released from the camp she remembers she was so starving that she ran for some bread and ate it. Then as she was walking a long the road she was able to get her hands on a knife. She decided she would get her revenge and stab one of the Germans. But as she started to pull the knife out she realized stabbing him wasn't going to fix anything. Hating all German people wasn't going to help anything.

Sic semper tyrannus

Death will have mercy
I won't
Here in the serial killer holy land
It's not over
We've only just begun
Like a fetus on the floor
Like an addict wanting more
Like a sex slave
Crying and sore
I want to smell the violence
I need to see you bleed
Take me inside your soul
And make it weep for me
I need to believe

In pain
Insane
A bullet in the head, a knife wound in the
I cried, as my innocence died

Gutter

To the point here. Makes me think of someone that is drunk and wakes up where their drinking left them. But I think this is more about a mental state.

I once
Dreamed of a world ...
Without consequences
Without reminders ...
Of this
Brutal
Gutter
I am collapsed in
Once i dreamed
But then ... I ... woke ... up

Autopsy Song

A lot of pain here. We are taking a deeper look inside what a person is feeling. This is considered an autopsy, because the person is dead, emotionally.

..open wide, look inside
At my autopsy

I feel like it's over
I feel like it's coming after me
I feel like it's closer
I feel like this is all i'll ever be

I feel like a failure
I feel like a hungry parasite
I feel like a razor
I feel like a prayer lost in flight

Suicide Trees

This is so sad! It is a struggle with yourself, whether distorted by depression or life experience. Finding comfort in separating yourself from the world.

I spent my whole life
In love with despair

... i became what i hate

No
Today, my name .... is pain

Whispering secret syllables
In the eyeless dark

This is how i delete myself
& this is how i corrupt everyone else

Nein

I think the last few lines tell you about the meaning here. Vae Victis isn't a term I knew. But I have found out it means "woe to the conquered." It speaks to being at mercy of those overcoming you, and not expecting any bending. I think this song is specifically talking about turning painful experience inward as self hatred. But it has chosen instead to act out and avenge itself against the wrong. No longer the conquered, but the conqueror.

My first act of treason
was picking up a pen

My first act of love
was finding myself again

The hardest thing to do
was standing up to you

Now Im off my knees
Now you're begging me "Please"

I'm the would & the weapon
The fracture & the fist

VAE VICTUS!

Selfmade

I think this song may just be about strength. Makes me think of when you hear that saying, "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me." I think it is taking things further and saying, "You can't take the me out of me."

I am my own creation, I am, self-made
I am my own creation, I am, self-made
I am my own creation, I am, self-made

Destroyers
I am I
A bone heals
A bruise fades
But art is forever

Shattered Pieces

The person in this song seems unclear where the answer is, and almost like she needs help from someone else. It ends with wondering if anyone is listening. There is a feeling of isolation.

This is how the world died
Who will slay this thing?
I forgive you
Who will play the butcher and
End my suffering?
I forgive you

The radio is brain washing me
Filling my head with these self-conspiracies
I am an emotional nightmare
I can't hide the pain inside
Builder of my own mythology
Just tell me, you're listening

Playlist Pick

I am going to put Warhead on my playlist because I came into checking this album out knowing I liked that song. And I have yet to put it on a playlist.

The second one will be Buried Alive. The song obviously is pretty down on yourself, but I've got to say that I like the layout of this song. It builds things up nicely!